She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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