my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
