if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
handjob tips. give me some.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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