you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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