i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize