So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
