if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
