I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
