He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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