Your face is a jimmy john
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
