I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
