Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Text me some of your sweat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
