The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
