My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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