i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
