He told me they were just razor bumps!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
