It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
