You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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