I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
