just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
