I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
