Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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