marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
