my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
