Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
