Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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