I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
