Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
