And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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