Who wears a wallet chain?!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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