I wish my penis had an off switch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
