My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
