Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
