i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
