I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
