Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
