I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
