Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
