Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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