Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
COCAINE IS GR8
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