i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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