Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
