Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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