Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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