I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
