Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
