My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
