WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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