god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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