so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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