did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
