i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
