when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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