Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
