I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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