I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize