My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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