You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
