I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
