just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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