i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize