he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
