I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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