The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
