how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found the puke drawer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
