i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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