honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
