What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
