what day is it and did you see me today?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
