im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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