Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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