I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
