Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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