I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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