just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
