I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
