So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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