She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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