What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
